Thursday, 12 March 2009

Let's Off Road

This week Kit made me think of car stories, they were already on my mind after a fellow Mummy from school set fire (accidentally) to her Landrover - she had plugged in a heater obtained from the Internet - it blew up and torched the rest of the car!!!

We too, used to own a Landrover - bought from new the day before my second child made her entrance into the world. 
In fact I was having contractions all the way back from the dealership - you can imagine the husband's fear of my waters breaking on his new upholstery!!

It was a very comfortable car, and very good off road....which brings me to an embarrassing incident we had -

A few weeks after buying the car...and me post-natally tired, and feeling like a freesian...the dear husband decided to take No 1 child swimming...he took Baby too - all safely strapped into their car seats...off they went...

Some hours later (at which point the freesian felt like parts of her were about to explode) they returned. 
They had left home in a blue car...they returned in a brown car...inside and out!!!???

The car had a 4" thick layer of mud all over it...and in it, even the children were brown - I freaked - yes, it was a hormonal freak out with knobs on! 
As I helped the children out of the car, and lifted my precious new baby out of her car seat - they left clean children shaped patches behind!

OK, I wanted answers....

"Hurrumph, erm,,mmmm where to begin?" 
The husband explained that he had decided to 'test' the Landrovers' off road capability 
(with my babies in the car????)
so instead of taking the main road to the swimming pool, he thought it would be a good idea to take the old Roman road - unfortunately with no Romans still around, the road isn't at quite the same standard as it might have been a few thousand years ago....

...the road gave way! 
The edge of the Byway crumbled and the Landrover had slid into the ditch!

There was good news and bad news...

The good news....the Landrover was great off road and gracefully drove itself out of the ditch!
HURRAH!

The bad news.....the dammed ditch was full of....
... liquid pig slurry!

@!*?^*

It took us weeks to get the car clean, and months for me to forgive the father of my children for his folly.
(you'll understand if you knew that it followed on the heels of several other things he had done...like cutting the end of No 1's finger off with a Swiss Army Penknife when she was 10 minutes old...
...he was trying to trim her fingernails!!!!!!!)

Anyhow, months later we took the car back to London for it's free first service...we thought this was wizard - we got to park in London for free, the car got serviced and we had a day in town catching up with old friends.....super, until we received a irate call from the garage...

"WHY hadn't we TOLD them that we had taken the car OFFROAD???"

ERM...because it IS an OFFROAD vehicle?

Apparently people in London don't actually go OFFROAD....so the mechanic had removed the sump guard unaware of the fact that lurking above was a very large, baked hard, lump of pig slurry....which fell on his head and knocked him out!!!!

OOOOPS! Needless to say we didn't darken their door again!