Monday, 15 December 2008

Mealy Mouthed

I'd love to be a restaurant critic - it would really suit me...

...firstly because I really adore eating wonderful food, but also because I do like to shout from the rooftops when I find somewhere which pleases my tummy...it might please somebody else too!

Eating in fantastic restaurants, often, and being paid for it...that would be my idea of heaven!

I would find it difficult to write nasty reviews...I rarely complain in a restaurant, unless something is utterly inedible...after all, we all can imagine what the kitchen could do to your next course - should they wish to!

We have a phrase in this house, started by BF... "It's not my favourite" - that ought to cover any unpleasant culinary experiences, without sounding like an jaded critic with a bloated sense of his own importance!

So imagine how I felt when I read the latest 'Food' magazine, they included reviews about two restaurants I have little prospect of actually eating in - Gordon Ramsey's new establishment in Royal Hospital Road, and 'Murano', the new venue for Gordon's protegee - Angela Hartnett.

And were the revues glowing, well, no! Did the pundits have anything specific to complain about vis the food...well, no!  Frankly all they complained about was the decor or the stature of the sommelier....

Talk about ungrateful! Oh, goodness, what kind of curmudgeonly old grump are you, when fed Michelin starred vittles, you whine like...well, like the Grinch.

It's not even as if these jokers actually pay the bill - they are employed for this precise purpose!
Perhaps they need to be sent somewhere to use as a 'real life' comparison...a night out at a dodgy fast food joint or a motorway service station ought to make them significantly more appreciative!

Move over Whining Winnies...this bird wants a shot at being a foodie critic...and she and her stomach would be so much more grateful!

And as for where I like to eat...should you ever be in the vicinity, I'd suggest a visit to -

The Old Bell, Malmesbury. Tom Rains cooks up real delights, Severiano, the Maitre D' charms you, and you can retire to bed afterwards!

or

The Royal Crescent, Bath. Perfect cocktails, fabulous food, chic surroundings and attentive staff...and no, they're not too tall!

...and when Michael Caines starts at The Priory in February, I will eat and be happy, regardless of how 'corporate' the dining room looks!