Sunday, 7 December 2008

Fir Fettish!

"My name's Hen and I am a Obsessive Compulsive Christmas Tree Decorator...."

(supportive clapping from other members of the OCCTD group)

....huge sigh of relief from Hen, who has been feeling really, seriously, guilty (for years) that she is unable to let her family join in the fun of decorating the family Christmas Trees!

Why should it be so very difficult you may ask?


Mmmm, well that would probably have something to do with the fact that Hen's first job (while at Art school) involved decorating hundreds of beautiful Christmas trees for a smart London store...each one had to pass the discerning eye of the Design director, each tree had to be decorated in exactly the same way, and that meant each baubel being placed in the same position on every tree!!! 
When you do this a few years on the trot, it should send you screaming, never wanting to see another baubel or tree again....ever!

But Hen was a child brought up in house where the commandant in charge strongly disapproved of Christmas Trees, well actually just Christmas in general.

So is Hen's obsession with Fir some deep seated rebellion?

No, she just loves the smell, and since she is a complete an utter magpie, the sparkly baubels just add to the attraction!

Now, most people get huge pleasure watching their beloved offspring make decorations, and cover their tree in tinsel....OMG....can you see the Hen's involuntary twitch? 
TINSEL??? 
Random positioning???
Out of the question!

These poor tortured firs get the OCCTD treatment, they HAVE to look perfect, and that means the positioning of the different colours and shapes, and sizes is all important!



....Oh, colour, don't get her on to that....because her trees can't be pretty harlequin trees....no,no,no....her trees must be colour co-ordinated....to within a inch of their life!

And would the Hen like to lose this affliction....yes, she would, but you see, even if she did manage a multi coloured tree....there would be the issue of size, shape......

mmmmm, this is going to need A LOT of therapy to sort this one out....

....interesting case though!

Oh, Hen's just asked me to point out that I absolutely, definitely forgot to mention tree lights...which apparently is also a terribly important issue...white, white, white light is the right light....she says!

Hen would like readers to know that she has managed to drop her associated affliction of asking other members of her family to wrap presents in matching paper and ribbon...seeing mis-matching prezzies under her tree has no affect on her whatsoever...

twitch
           twitch
                       twitch

no, really it's fine (cue hysterical laughter from her padded cell!).