Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Incy Problem

Of late, the beautiful, sleek, German that shares our house has been having a little problem, she sits on the drive and wails, the Husband who is terribly fond of her, can't work out what is causing the problem, and it's been troubling him greatly.

Funnily enough this has only been happening since the Husband started cycling to work, perhaps Helga misses being taken to the office everyday? Temper, temper Helga!

Anyhow the wife and children were dispatched the other day to take Helga to a doctor ....obviously she had to see the best....but which one....the main dealership half an hour from home, that we usually use? No! Let's send everyone on a 'day out' and ask them to take Helga up the motorway for a hour to.....(wait for it).....SWINDON 
(deep intake of breath).

Swindon is quite a special place - not for it's beauty, but for the incredible fact that every part of it looks exactly the same, and it is utterly overpopulated by roundabouts....which again, all look exactly the same...even Helga's sat nav got confused.

After a lot of driving around in circles, and saying unrepeatable things about the husband, we were at the point of abandoning this trip and heading for home, when we spotted Helga's saviour, we handed her over to the men in white coats.
We sat for over a hour while she was examined, tested and monitored...

...the girls were very good, they played with the drinks machines, and made the whole showroom hot chocolate, which I am certain the staff appreciated (ha,ha,ha)!

Eventually, our expert appeared, to give his analysis of the situation...he looked grave...

"Well, Mrs Hen," he said, "we've run every test we can, and she's not showing any problems, I suspect that it could be...."

We didn't let him finish, for us girls had been suspecting the reason for Helga's symptoms for weeks......
...."Is a spider setting off the alarm?"

"Most likely" replied the expert, looking relieved at our reaction.

We rolled around the showroom floor clutching our stomachs and not even attempting to conceal our snorts of laughter (we did think it was funny even after the terrible journey).

"The best thing to do..." suggested the expert, concealing a smirk......"is hoover the car!"

All that fabulous german technology....and it's the good old hoover that saves the day!

We drove home, laughing like drains....and couldn't wait to tell the Husband about Helga's Incy Wincy problem!

Thursday, 17 July 2008

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Fridge confidential

Matron Mary had an 'open fridge' yesterday....and asked us to join in the expose....revealing through our fridges what we are really like! 
Quick! wipe off the sticky marks, chuck out the stuff with fur on it, remove traces of mouldy cheese....phew!

OK, Happy to oblige Matron...

Bit empty, I haven't been shopping for a few days...

just the basics...

which or course means plenty of gin...

proper meat lurks in the freezer...

veggies from the garden...

from this it is possible to deduce we are not in party mode, or about to receive guests...
...shame, that's when I'm happiest!

I suspect this says more about us...

In other news, I must thank Blackbird for her camping post...No 1 child read it over my shoulder... and cried...."ooh, I'm doing that too."....ten minutes later they had created this -

The cat doesn't look very impressed by the idea of a night under canvas!

However, the grown ups loved the idea!!!!

Family Portraits

Created today, our latest round of family portraits...



No 1

No 2

MMM...perhaps not the most flattering of likenesses!

How quickly did you guess that these were composed by No 2....

Saturday, 12 July 2008

Still Standing

Only the English could sit in torrential rain...

....and be as happy as happy can be!

Thank you Captain Fantastic....you rocked!

Thursday, 10 July 2008

Prize day

Three hours of sitting through junior prize giving today left me feeling a wee bit gloomy and cynical...the way our prize day is structured means that my offspring have zero chance of winning anything.
Every year I watch on while the same ones win effort prizes (mmm, since mine see it as their mission in life to do the bare minimum, and spend the rest of the time having fun - little chance there then!). 
Then there are the ones who excell in sport, and win armfuls of huge silver cups.... mine will never get those either!
No 2's end of term report was a classic -
P.E and Games:
No 2 made a good start to P.E. this year, although she often forgets her kit 
(for this read deliberately hides it behind the changing room radiator) and cannot compete competiitively without this. 
She lacks confidence in hockey and netball, and at times can be easily distracted by others, which often results in missing key information....
(translation: No 2 is a total gossip who ignores all my lectures on the joys of netball).
By Miss England Sports Team Jolly Hockeysticks Teacher.

Shame they don't give out prizes for being a bookworm ...or for chutzpah!
The schools favourite way of describing her is 'lively' - this is teacher speak for a fidgit who talks too much!

Anyhow, now it's me that's 'off task', what I was driving at was that it's been one of 'those' days...
Today was only lightened so far by karma dealing a blow to the snooty mother who gave me a smug look when I 'skipped' my little car....at the end of prize-giving the Headmaster announced that somebody had illegally parked their huge, black, posh, four wheel drive...
...it had been towed away, and taken to the Police pound!!!! 
She really would have been better off parking the car in a skip like I did!

So it really was extra specially lovely to receive this from Green Girl -

THANK YOU! That was the perfect warm and fuzzy feeling that I needed this afternoon!!

This award is to be continued around the glorious world of bloggydom....what an easy task...

  1. Mary Alice - I can always rely on a stream of love and wisdom from the frontlines.
  2. Jen - she juggles her life with such good humor and such a huge capacity for caring for others.
  3. Suburban Correspondent - the ultimate mother....10 months of blogging and I now can't manage my children without her lists!
  4. Life as I Know It - gentle and funny.
  5. The Mom Bomb - I have to give her this.....or she'll blow!
  6. Mary - the rocking Matron...what would we do without her wayward, work shy students, dramatic children, scary journeys and impossible weather!
  7. Alice Band - for services to motherhood, kitten breeding, shopping and flirting with foreign dignitaries.
  8. TXPoppet - for fabulous canned laughter and gorgeously retro graphics.
  9. Clare Grant for making me grateful, and seeing 3BT everyday.
  10. Vlashka - at Mr B's...this is her first award - and out does the 'Nibby' by  an awfully long way! (just joking Nic!)

Thank you all for making my day so many times over, for making me laugh so hard my stomach aches, for making me cry, for being able to see that everyone is dealing with the same things, for the ace suggestions in childcare....and for always looking on the bright side...this is for you!

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

Would you? Could You?

I'd love to...but fear there isn't a novel lurking within....what about you?

Click on the image for a larger view

Does this apply to blogging too?

With a big hugs to 'Stanley' for letting me reproduce this gorgeously ironic gem from-

'The Catacombs Of Terror' by Stanley Donwood
Published by Hedonist Books
ISBN: 0 9541782 2 x

Never rains, but it pours

The weather for tomorrow has officially been forecast as...

"Absolutely dreadful"

...they said so on the telly!

Is 'absolutely dreadful' a technical term?

What does it mean?

Is it a tornado, a hurricane, a drop of rain or a dull day with clouds?

I'm guessing it means MORE rain!

Because the English aren't obsessed with the weather are they?!!!

Friday, 4 July 2008

Accessories for boys.

"The only difference between men and boys is the size of their toys."

I don't know who originally said it...but they must have been female...and they must have a Husband just like mine!

The Husband loves his toys - the most impressive was the sports car which he built himself, sadly it had to be sold when No 2 child arrived and we needed a car with 4 seats :-( .

Like most men he loves a gadget, he and friends discuss them (!) and love knowing who has got the biggest strimmer / mower / circular saw - bless! 
They are wired so differently from us!

The Husbands latest 'thing' is cycling to work....brought on when he moved jobs, and went into an office full of fitness supremos - within a fortnight he too, had joined the high vis' jacket crowd!

Yesterday he purchased some new cycling shorts and some special gloves with gel padding (such soft hands)...all went unnoticed until this morning, when he emerged wearing the new gear.
From downstairs, I could hear raucous laughter and hoots of derision from the girls....not normally given to laughing that early in the day. The cause of this humour....seeing their lycra clad father dressed in what have now been nicknamed "Susannah and Trinny magic knickers". However, the loudest squeals were a result of seeing the packaging for the gloves.

As you all know, men love techno speak...so not only do the new gloves have ' 3mm gel padding under chamude palm pads', 'articulated palms' and "airprene cuffs'....they also have a built in terry towelling NOSE WIPE....

....darlings, it's the latest thing I tell you....!  How yukky?

It might be lucky to have your glove picked up for you if you drop it....just somebody remind me - never pick up cycling gloves - you'll know what's on them!

Wednesday, 2 July 2008


Mrs G, mentor and all round good egg wrote today about a silly youthful moment she once had, and asked us to confess our silliest moments....there have been quite a few - where to begin?

At 16 I went to stay with an old friend of mine in Dorset - the lucky thing had been given a flat by her parents - so staying with her always felt so grown up!
This time, I arrived and was introduced to her new beau -  a bit of a 'Rupert' but polite enough!
After a late supper my friend (she was the first to call me Hen) and I decided it might be fun to go to a club..."No" said the young Tory boyfriend....he detested nightclubs....instead he made the suggestion of....
....dressing up as Roundheads and Cavaliers and driving to Corfe Castle for a walk....wouldn't that be amusing?

MMM, wasn't I glad he wasn't MY boyfriend?

Apparently, this was what he did at weekends (being a member of the Sealed Knot) - it was two against one (she was still in the first flush of love with him, and eager to please)....so I joined in (still thinking the club would have been much more fun).

She, He & Me..and the dog got in the car, and drove off to the castle!

The ruins of Corfe Castle look pretty creepy during the day - I have to tell you they look like something out of a horror movie at midnight!

We walked half way round the castle mount...when my friend and I both noticed a really strong smell of lemon! At the same time the dog started barking ferociously. She and I scrabbled around in the undergrowth trying to find the source of the smell - wherever we walked the smell appeared to follow us, but could not be found.

After a while, and being unable to console the dog, 'Rupert' began to wonder if he knew the source of this scent...."Hmmm" he pondered in all seriousness...."I believe this is the Castle ghost".....quicker than you can say 'grease lighting' us girls ran for our lives...and the silly boyfriend followed - his sword clanking against his armour as we made a dash for the car park.

Running through Corfe village dressed as Cavaliers at midnight - we must have made a bizarre sight, and all was well until a car full of drunken locals spotted us, and gave chase!

I can tell you, while we hid in a doorway gasping for breath, I did think it was just about the silliest thing I had ever done...

until the next time I made a bad decision!

As a postcript - the boyfriend turned out to be much creepier than the ghost!